Die Hard
11-25-2005, 10:24 AM
This is (allegedly) an actual job application that a 75-year-old man submitted to Walmart in Arkansas.
They hired him because he was so funny... you gotta love it!!!
NAME:
George Hortons
SEX:
Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman
or at least one that will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION:
Company's President or Vice President.
But seriously, whatever's available.
If I was in a position to be picky,
I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY:
$185,000 a year plus stock options
and a Michael Ovitz style severance package.
If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD:
Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY:
A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens
and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING:
It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.
PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to
a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS
THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?
Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be
"Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS
OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner
of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes,
so they tell me.
>
DO YOU SMOKE?:
On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy
dumb sexy blonde supermodel
who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE....
7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE
AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
Oh yes, absolutely.
They hired him because he was so funny... you gotta love it!!!
NAME:
George Hortons
SEX:
Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman
or at least one that will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION:
Company's President or Vice President.
But seriously, whatever's available.
If I was in a position to be picky,
I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY:
$185,000 a year plus stock options
and a Michael Ovitz style severance package.
If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD:
Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY:
A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens
and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING:
It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.
PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to
a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS
THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?
Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be
"Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS
OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner
of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes,
so they tell me.
>
DO YOU SMOKE?:
On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy
dumb sexy blonde supermodel
who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE....
7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE
AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
Oh yes, absolutely.